So You Bought a Bad Bottle... Now What? (Other than "Use it in a Cocktail")
Background
We’ve all been there. Maybe you get suckered by a local craft distillery, grabbing a bottle of their two year old whiskey out of guilt, local loyalty, or you took a tour and just felt like leaving with SOMETHING. Or maybe some excellent packaging drew you in. Hey it’s from Kentucky, and the bottle can be re-used as a decanter, that’s cool!
Whatever the reason, we’ve all ended up a bummer bottle (or hell, bottles), and we’ve all heard the common refrain “just use it in a cocktail.” Well, I dont know about you but I can only drink so many cocktails. So let’s explore some other ways to put that crappy juice to work!
Put Together a Tasting
This idea is stolen from a beer buddy, who told me he recently put on a “Whales and Turds” tasting. Or, as I prefer, “Hitters and Shitters”. Have everyone bring one good bottle and one they hate and go from there! You’ll hear plenty of critics (not just in whiskey but movies, food, etc.) talk about how writing bad reviews can be way more fun than the good ones, I think you’ll find it’s equally, if not more, fun to dunk on bad bottles with friends.
CHEESE (Ok, and Other Recipes)
Doubtless everyone has heard of beer cheese… but what about bourbon beer cheese! Turn that trash into a tasty cheese dip for game day.
In all seriousness though there’s MUCH more you can do with bourbon in the kitchen then drowning that dram in bitters to try for a serviceable old fashion. Great bourbon infused recipes are a Google away. And while it may no longer be eggnog season, bourbon cream is good to have around all year. People jump all over the Buffalo Trace bourbon cream (and yeah, it’s delicious) but making your own is actually pretty easy.
Fun fact, I went the eggnog route over the holidays. My sister's review: “Well, it’s definitely too thick. It’s like an eggnog milkshake. It tastes pretty good, but if I have more than one glass I might shit my pants.” Hopefully you have better luck than I did!
Time to Bust Out That Mini Barrel
Look, dont lie, someone heard you were really into bourbon and gave you a mini barrel as a gift. You know you’ve been staring at it, trying to figure out what to do with it. Let’s see if a barrel finish can class up that crap. I mean, it’s working well enough for Good Times…
Be Your Own NDP
Blend it! Countless NDP’s are taking younger, weaker juice and blending it with better stuff to lead to a decent end product. Maybe you’ve got a bottle of ECBP around that you haven't been drinking that fast. Or hell, snag a Wild Turkey 101 off the shelf for some tasty (and cheap) juice. Track your experiments to figure out what works and what doesn’t, have friends taste your blends, get their feedback, and just tinker.
Give it Away
In all seriousness, bad bottles are a perfect encapsulation of the sunk cost fallacy. We may be inclined to power through a bad bottle because you spent money on it. Maybe you even spent alot of money on it. But what we often fall to account for is the value of our own time. Wouldn’t you rather be drinking something else then trying, for the 5th, 6th, 7th glass to see if the bottle has gotten any better? Cut your losses. Many of us are in Discords, Facebook Groups, Friends Chats. Just see if someone else wants it, it’s ok to let go.
